An Interview with Gadabout Jack

File photo of Gadabout and Kate Winslet

It's Christmas time and Gadabout was hanging out with himself, so they took advantage of the opportunity and staged an impromptu interview. You are treated to this interview.

Gadabout Jack: Gadabout, it’s great that you could spare a few moments of your time for an interview.

Gadabout: My pleasure, Jack. Glad to be here.

Gadabout Jack: Well, it’s been quite a year. What’s your take on the state of the nation post election?

Gadabout: It really boils down to just a few fundamental value plays. The first is greed. Our Wall Street friends played the mega million game for far too long. $500 million compensation packages are unsustainable, promote dishonest business practices and further the divide between the haves and the have-nots. Even the middle class has lost a sense of hope, and when those in the middle deeply distrust corporate America we have some very real problems in this country.

Gadabout Jack: There are those who argue corporate compensation is just, and should be driven by free market economic forces.

Gadabout: Let’s not forget that the only free markets are the black markets. Our markets are not free; they are regulated, taxed, protected and manipulated. The point is that we throw about labels, such as free and open to promote an image of ideals that do not exist.

Gadabout Jack: I take it that you are implying that we are a socialist nation?

Gadabout: Absolutely. Look, we are a society of governmental programs. We tend to look past and ignore this aspect of governance when it affects our own personal lives. We are myopic and self centered. Altruism and philanthropy are dying, and are being replaced with bureaucracies and retirement programs. The billionaires are running abroad with their bounty – that or blowing their brains out from the anxiety of failing. Take Madoff, for instance. He represents the purest form of greed, and also the failure of our so called free market system. Ask yourself how many other Madoff’s, and those like him exist within our borders?

Gadabout Jack: I don’t want to think of it. The thought is chilling.

Gadabout: Well, you really cannot help to think of it because you are me.

Gadabout Jack: Quite true. We covered greed, what else?

Gadabout: Well, the next is power and control. The movie Mr. Smith goes to Washington warned us of the elite few who control our destinies. Blagojevich and the other cronies are only the tip of the iceberg. “Power corrupts absolutely.” You remember that.

Gadabout Jack: Absolutely.

Gadabout: Well, our markets failed, and the population distrusts American banking and business systems. Now that that has occurred, they are looking to Washington to level the playing field, and that promotes a higher degree of socialism in this country. It is a natural and necessary change. We’ve heard the old saying that “if you give a man (or woman) a fish you feed him for a day, but if you give him a fishing pole you feed him for life.” That all sounds good, but in modern societal structures you need a GPS, two way communications, licenses, a sound boat, safety equipment, fuel, matching 401K contributions, and countless other items to comply with regulations and associated costs. A simple fishing pole is no longer sufficient to feed and clothe for life. So the rich and middle class will be forced to share their wealth in order to sustain public safety.

Gadabout Jack: Public safety?

Gadabout: Yes, if the masses are unhappy and hungry, they will take what they want. This is referred to as crime, and the haves detest robbery and threats to their well being. So, the haves will pay, and be happy to do so. The middle class will be annoyed, but they will play along because they too will be feeding from the trough of governmental spending. They will design and build roadways, ugly automobiles, inefficient windmills and fighter planes. And let’s not forget “clean coal.”

Gadabout Jack: God bless clean coal. How about the upper classes?

Gadabout: Well, the super rich don’t really care. They have enough to weather any storm, can control the outcomes of elections, influence policy making, and create barriers to keep themselves isolated from the proletariat. They are happy to keep all of those below them drugged on Prozac, drunk in front of the HDTV watching football, driving a car and stuff fast food into their bellies. Simple, really. We’re talking John Galt stuff here.

Gadabout Jack: Who is John Galt?

Gadabout Jack 2008 – Your Polarized Candidate

Gadabout is throwing his hat in the ring for the 2008 presidential elections, and he is asking for your support. All you have to do is “write in” Gadabout J Jack, and you’ll have me at your service as President! It has a nice ring to it; President Gadabout Jack. I like it.

My Platform:

Fixing Social Security. We need to raise additional funds to ensure our seniors are protected against inflated dollars and fixed incomes. I support raising the maximum FICA withholdings tax rate from $97,000 to $150,000, and adjusting this limit each year automatically based on inflation rates. Yes, higher income earners will pay more and not realize an increase in their social security benefits, but that is too bad for them.

Income Taxes. I support the status quo regarding taxation. The IRS isn’t going away so we need to stop fighting and learn to keep manipulating current structures. Capital gains taxes should be lowered to 10 percent to bolster investment. Estate Taxes should remain constant also. Sorry to disappoint you, but someone has to pay the bills and dead people are a perfect target.

Infrastructure. America needs to rapidly and immediately rebuild our highways, bridges, rail systems and airports. Improved transportation systems will improve efficiencies, lower our dependence on foreign oil and save lives. We cannot afford not to invest, in the form of additional debt, to regain prominence in our beloved infrastructure.

Immigration. I believe that walls should be torn down. Mexicans are hard working, Christian, and civilized. We need all the Mexican immigrants we can get our arms around. Envision 20 million new citizens paying taxes, working hard and not causing a lot of trouble. I will tear the wall down.

Education. Higher level education policy remains largely unchanged with the exception that “means” testing will be elevated. Low interest rate loans for millionaires are unacceptable. Subsidized low interest rate loans for the lower classes are unacceptable also. Loans will be at market rates and the subsidy aspect will remain as a grace period after graduation.

The War. America has interests in Iraq and ajacent environs. You kill us, and we'll return the favor. Permanent bases in Iraq are needed in order to send a message to Muslum terrorists that we mean business.

Energy. We need to drill for oil in every corner of our empire to send the Mideast economies into ruin. We'll figure the rest out later after the dust clears.

Medical Care. This plank is under construction.

A vote for Gadabout is a vote for prosperity! Vote for Gadabout Jack 2008.

Gadabout Holiday Spam

Internet spam collected from secret sources.

To All My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.


To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Gadabout is on Travel

Since Gadabout has taken a job, and is no longer hanging out on the beach everyday; you may not see a daily post. Fear not. I have a plan! Gadabout will be taking selected "shorts" and publishing them under the name of "Gadabout (your name here)." If interested, email submissions with file photo, and I'll make final selections. Are you up to the task?

Gadabout Jack