Dear Gadabout Jack: Bachelor Spending

Dear Gadabout Jack,

I've had a hell of a week, it's only Monday, and the forecast looks even bleaker for the rest of the week. All your talk of saving up for college has made this bachelor think that it is high time I make an investment in my soul. Your many successful days as a bachelor have been inspirational to many and some have even referred to you as the "the Godfather." I digress...I want to spend some money for no good reason other than I can. What has been your best bachelor purchase under three grand? Lastly, what was Nova Scotia like?

God be with you,
Bachelor with Money Burning a Hole in My Pocket

Dear Bachelor Packing Burning Cash: Gadabout has confronted his inner most demons over this topic and I am enthusiastic to share my advice and offer shallow opinions. Yes, so often I have pondered how to squalor away vast sums of cash in pursuit of discovering the true self. It is not a simple task, and I regard your inquiry with great respect and admiration. You asked about Nova Scotia, so I’ll have to tell you that it was fantastic and that every young man should avail himself to a summer enjoying the pleasantries of the Canadian Eastern Provinces. Canada is very cool and the women are beautiful—lots of French influence! Canada is the foundation for this adventure. Canada is great.

I was pulled over for speeding just south of Halifax, and when the Copper noticed I was in the military he let me off the hook. All I told him was that I flew fighters for the navy and that was it. He was genuinely proud of me. Now, that is cool. It is easy to forget a face or an event, but I’ll never forget that guy—ever! That doesn't happen in Virginia.

Okay, this is what you do with $3,000. You research Nova Scotia and find out some really cool facts about the place. The television program “Trailer Park Boys” is filmed there, so you’ll need to youTube in advance. They also have had UFO sightings. Go to those places! And lastly, hire on as a hand on a fishing boat for a few days and enjoy meeting the common public! You’ll come back home with a fresh outlook on life and be a better person for it. Live, my fine young friend—LIVE!

The Budget (9 days):

Flowers for Mum: $50.00
Dinner with girlfriend before departing: $110.00
Airline fare: $400.00
Rental car: $400.00
Lodging: $1,000.00 (you’ll sleep on the beach a few nights)
Food: $400.00
Stupid gifts: $100.00
Booze: $300.00
A cool gift to yourself: $100.00
“The Tab’s on me:” $100.00
Stuff you forgot to pack: $100.00
Misc.: $100.00

Total $3,160

And remember, you must take this trip with a trusted buddy. Never forget the “Buddy System.” And if you go with a buddy, he’ll pick up part of the expenses, so you should be able to accomplish your mission for under $3,000.

My best buy for $3,000? Memories! You’ll be buying memories with this trip to Nova Scotia. Execute Plan Alpha.

Dear Gadabout Jack: The Name Game

Dear Gadabout Jack,

I'm trying to make sense of the 21st century "Parent" and their rationale on the names they are bestowing onto their children. My wife and I are pregnant with our second child (a girl) and we're discussing names for the baby. It would appear popular names for boys such as Michael, David, or Christopher has now been replaced with Cameron, Parker, Carter, Cody and Chase. Friends of ours named their first born boy Forrest. Forrest? Another friend named her oldest son, River. River?

I think parents need to feel "Trendy" and in turn give names for their children that are "unique" and different from the status quo. Now, it is none of my business why parents name their children what they do, perhaps it’s a family name or a distant relative name or there might not be any reason at all!

Maybe I'm just off base and confused, and need to get with the 21st. century, but the good old fashion names like Mark, Jim and Scott bode well with me over the Logans, Cassidys, and Fullers.

Signed,
Confused Dad and name Hunter

Dear Name Hunter: Gadabout has a position on this matter and been waiting patiently for someone to bring this topic up for a long time now. You are correct, names have been going through change over our lifetime and on the surface this trend may seem troublesome and confusing. Names like Hunter, Scout, and River have taken off in popularity and are “shaking up” traditional standards.

Name selection, and the changes noted over time must be taken in the context that measuring time is difficult since humans live for relatively short periods of time. Changes in children’s popular names can be compared to changes in global temperature shifts. Global Warming, with all its charm, occurs very slowly over thousands and millions of years. The big question is whether the temperature shift is moving towards or away from a mean or norm. Riddle me that, Batman, and you’ll solve one of our greatest mysteries!

For anyone to expect or demand that Mother Earth remain constant is foolhardy. It is simply scientifically improbable. Change is the inevitability of existence. And existence is a process structure. A River, for example, remains a river from one instance to another, but from one glance to the next it has changed. The water in front one’s eyes has been replaced by upward flows, the sands and sediments have tumbled and the aquatic life forms multiply, flourish and die. In this sense, all patterns in life resemble process structures, and name selection is no different.

Children will most likely always be given names but those names will always change. [As a side note, Ayn Rand’s “Anthem” offers a chilling outlook for possible future outcomes and is a must read for those engaging in thoughtful reflection on societal dynamics.] Let’s face it, once popular names like Ethel and Jeremiah have gone by the wayside. Can you imagine naming your daughter Ethel? It would enslave her to a life of humiliation and disgrace. Times change, my soon-to-be dad. And don’t think that female name selections are stable either.

Have you ever heard about a hot looking chick living in California who goes by the name, Paris? Remember the movie To Kill a Mockingbird? In that film Gregory Peck played the roll of “Atticus Finch” and his daughter’s name was “Scout.” Atticus and Scout! The film claimed three Oscars. My advice is to look to the movies for answers. Movies are fun. Movies bind us together as a nation and makes America GREAT!

Good Luck…GJ

Dear Gadabout

Gadabout likes reading “Dear Abby” and other advice giver columnists, but not really for the advice. I like to understand how really f$%&ed up the American populace is, which provides comfort to Gadabout knowing that he is actually well balanced compared to his fellow citizens. The advice is usually dry, soft and conservative. “You should contact a mental health care provider as soon as possible.” Nice work ladies. I could suggest calling social services or “taking a cool approach to the situation,” but that’s not what Gadabout is all about. I possess the keen ability to detect truths distorted by false claims and self pity. This “awareness” is often a burden, and I carry it humbly and with great respect.

Okay, this morning I read about a bride-to-be seeking advice on how to address her alcoholic mother’s potential belligerent behavior at the upcoming wedding reception. “Should I invite her?” “Should I demand that she refrain from drinking?” The advice giver offered the usual diatribe outlining, in less than 125 words, that the situation should be addressed immediately, and so on and so forth.

Here is Gadabout’s advice to “Bride in the Midwest:”

Dear Bride: You’ll never keep your mother from boozing it up, so stop trying and get on with your life. No, you won’t be able to keep Mom from attending the ceremony and she’ll show up at the reception whether you like it or not. Any attempt to keep Mommy from attending will worsen the situation and possibly lead to out of control behaviors, violence and binge drinking. Simply put, you’ll just piss everyone off. Look, everyone knows your mother is a drunk and makes a fool out herself at public gatherings. By now the future in-laws are certainly aware of this since you are making your family secrets and issues public by writing to a nationally syndicated columnist. Chances are that she was a normal woman, full of dreams and aspirations until she got married and was forced to raise a family of screaming and over demanding children. Lastly, alcoholism is a disease, your mother is sick, show some compassion. Focus on the details of the wedding, let your mother booze it up and smile when you deposit all the wedding checks into your savings account. Count your blessings!