A Cougar Wearing Librarian Glasses

Photo of future Cougar in training
Cougars on the Hunt

Sipping fresh cocktails
Competing Cougars take aim
Upon young male prey

Gadabout and friends recently spent time together dining and drinking, and during the drinking stage of the evening our discussion wandered to women (no surprise here). Our not so sotto voce musings brought to light two very significant discoveries of the female species that arouse men (and I guess in some cases, other women) that are distinctively separate, yet connected in a jagged, somewhat erotic sort of way.

The first is the thrilling use of eye glasses by women, but not just any style of eyewear. No, it is the librarian style with the black frames that drives men loony. Those simple black spectacles have a hypnotic effect on men, and Gadabout is at a loss for an explanation. They’re sexy and alluring. A plausible explanation may be that they suggest a bridge between intellect and promiscuity, but for whatever reason the effects are immediate and stimulating. In "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” Ferrell’s character falls in love with a member of his PR team played by Amy Adams (as I recall, anyway). Yep, once she took off her wire rimmed lenses we were introduced to a knockout sweetheart. If they were Librarian glasses in the first place we would have demanded that she kept them on!

The second topic was devoted to Cougars. Cougars are older women who prey solely on younger men. A Cougar’s victim is usually no older than an eldest son, and they take great pride in their youth oriented hunting and stalking abilities. You see them out and about in great numbers. They are the forty and fifty set, divorced, wealthy (or nearly so), maintain a stunning appearance, drink expensive wine and booze and travel in packs of two or three. At times, they can be spotted solo, but usually this is only after others in the pack have separated themselves for the purpose of making a kill.

Okay, put your thinking caps on and envision a Cougar wearing librarian glasses. I just got a little dizzy, please excuse me while I get a drink of water...I’m back now! That was close—I almost fainted. This discovery is so very powerful, and I expect social change in the behaviors of Cougars worldwide. This is cutting edge stuff and you heard it first from Gadabout Jack! Buy stock immediately in any company that manufactures eyeglass frames for women. This is hot, hot, Cougar hot!

Note: I have set up a poll on the right side of this page. Take advantage of this rare opportunity to vote and share your views. Remember, you can check more than one box.

Tattoo Mania

Gadabout has been observing tattoos, and has noticed an accelerated upward trend occurring across all segments of society. Tattoos are no longer symbols of adventure and daring exploits adorned upon the biceps and forearms of returning sailors and soldiers from exotic far reaches of the globe. Nor are they sole symbols of power worn by biker guys threatening innocent family vacationers. Nope, not at all, it is a craze sweeping the nation, and you might be surprised by who is voting yes for durable body art.

Gadabout’s mum always warned, “If you get a tattoo, honey, you’ll never be able to have it removed.” To which I would reply, “Yes, mother, I know, I understand completely." Today, many mothers are getting tattooed. Not trailer park mothers, mothers that drive SUVs, check books out from the library and bake pies. An extraordinary shift in beliefs has skyrocketed over night, right in front of our noses. This trend has longer legs than the cigar craze of the 90’s, minivans of the 80’s and flavored bottled water combined!

Yes, I know what you are thinking and the answer is NO. Gadabout does not have a tattoo, and not because of any deep rooted belief or value system, but because I don’t know what I would want tattooed on my body. It just doesn’t appeal to me. Sure, I have considered it, but the question always gnawed as to what would be cool or desirable. It is like opening a menu at a Mexican restaurant and not really being hungry—too many choices and not enough appetite. But after drinking a few beers and frosty margaritas, hunger starts knocking.

Alcohol and tattoos go together nicely, almost as good as alcohol and tobacco, or alcohol and driving. A few years ago, one of my buddies had our squadron insignia tattooed on his butt cheek after a hard charging night of drinking in Key West. I don’t think his wife favorably embraced the artwork upon his return home. Oh well, it was a hell of a night and am certain it has made for a few laughs with the ladies after the divorce. My brother has a tattoo. He had the Greek letters of his fraternity tattooed on the inside of his ankle. Cool.

Other tattoos are cool too. Another buddy of mine has a twin brother, and the two of them had the “twin” symbol tattooed on identical locations upon their chests. I thought that was cool. Some choose symbols of accomplishment like if they complete the “Iron Man” triathlon, defeat cancer or overcome overwhelming odds and succeed. All of this is understandable to Gadabout, but what is confusing is the extreme nature selected by many. You have all seen what I have seen—entire legs and arms covered with mythological creatures, thorns and swords or an entire chest covered by multiple symbols, shapes and messages.

Gadabout is confused. Gadabout is seeking answers. Gadabout is not getting a tattoo anytime soon. Gadabout will report back on this very important topic.