Young Families, Crying Babies, Limited Tempers and Meditation

Fragile Silence

Temper tantrum whines
Ineffectual restraint
Meditation lost

Gadabout loves children, but he is annoyed by the noises they make in church (and other public venues for that matter). This issue of crying babies during worship is a touchy one indeed. On one hand a congregation has to accept a family with young children because they need membership numbers, but on the other hand a whiney little brat kid who disrupts services will likely drive short tempered ordinary folks like myself out the door—for good!. Many churches have to walk a balancing act to keep both parties happy. And as you might have guessed, Gadabout has all the answers.

First off, most churches unwittingly bring Disruptive Baby Situations (DBS) upon themselves. By demanding young parents actively participate in services prior to their child’s baptism, pastoral guidelines disproportionately populate gatherings with whiney kids. On top of that, these young parents are proud of their DNA achievements and successful transition into adulthood. “Look at my beautiful wife, children and shiny new SUV; I have arrived. My wife and I are good Christians and are preparing our new family to receive Christ and perpetuate our collective belief system. We represent a strong and bright future, so if you don’t find our minor disruptions acceptable, then that is your problem to deal with.”

Okay, mister proud family man, here is what Gadabout has to say to you. Are you ready? No, I don’t find your cute newborn’s screaming during gospel readings, homilies, or communion very amusing. I find it insulting and destructive. Your depthless struggle to control your screaming kid negatively affects all of those around you. We loath you. Our dark side is exposed, and we start to sin in our minds. We no longer pray for world peace, we collectively pray for your immediate exit. During those endless minutes whilst you fidget and rock your vociferous Terrible Two, the rest of us are filled with a destructive irritability usually only found in traffic jams and endless corporate meetings. Thank you, Mister Family Man! Peace be with you.

I do have a reasonable tolerance level, and am certain that most others do too. I can endure discreet disruptions such as a momentary cry or sob, random gestures and dropping of objects like a Thomas train or coloring book. I absolutely cannot worship in a nursery room though. I plea and petition you for solutions to engender peace and eternal harmony. There shall be no confrontation with Gadabout since we are in a house of the Lord—that would be unacceptable. So I ask that you please take your child to the lobby, or other area where their whines and ear shattering screams of pain cannot be heard. Please, I beg of you.