Monday, March 17, 2008

Doctor Evil Goodwrench

Gadabout is sitting at the local Chevrolet dealership waiting for his 2003 Trailblazer to be serviced. A journey that began as a planned round of routine maintenance to replace the full Monty of fluids, has turned into a trip to the horror flick to watch Freddy slice up and burn Jason. The worst part of it all is that I brought my car into meet Mr Goodwrench on what I thought gentle terms – preventive. To Gadabout, preventive is akin to kindness, love and care. As it turns out, preventive to Mr Goodwrench means a root cannel and two crowns. Mr Goodwrench, as it turns out, is a Dentist; and his house is a house of pain.

It seems I have a leaky axel seal and dirty throttle plate, in addition to needing all the fluids replaced (so I’m told). The grand total comes to just short of $1,300 USD. I guess the most appropriate statement I can make is, “Let them eat cake.” If it's required to keep my motor vehicle motoring safely, then so be it. Sure, I could do the work myself and get my hands dirty for the day, but where would I find time to write to all of you about my experience with Dr Good “Evil” Wrench. Think about that for a moment or two.

Oh, and before I forget, as I was hitting on the maintenance lady, she caved in to my flirtations and slipped me a 10% off coupon. I feel like a blond chick flashing a toothy smile to a cop and given a warning to slow down. Jesus, I love this country!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Ben Stein's Expelled


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dr. Randy Pausch - from Oprah

Important perspective on life.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Dolphins Represent Peace, Trust and Harmony

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Actual dolphin statue located in Springfield, Va. (photo by Sage)

Dedication below dolphin statue

Women flock to the Shell Service Station in Springfield, VA., because of the trust engendered by the "Dolphin" effect sweeping the globe. Dolphins represent good automobile service to many in the area. Hell, I'd even go there. I'm buying in on the wave too!

Keep a keen eye and send dolphin sighting and news to Gadabout. This is cutting edge stuff.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Ask Gadabout Jack -- Elevators

Dear Gadabout,
I was having some random thoughts during my 30 second ride in the [location omitted by Gadabout] elevator this morning. Why are people so grumpy in the elevator? I mean seriously...We know you don't want to be at work anymore than we do, but you could at least be courteous and kind in the morning. A bunch of aging people standing in a confined space, wishing the electricity would go out in the entire building...or a massive snow storm would that we could have an excuse to leave the building for the day. I feel the need to say hello to people in the elevator that I've worked with in the past, when really I could give a crap. I wouldn't even notice if they had passed away unless I read it in the obituaries -- ya know? Isn't that awful? But it's the truth. It’s not like you 'really' know them -- ya know? I don't even remember some of their names honestly...but I act like I do when I say hello to them.

Its so fake...this 'work world' we live in. Ha-ha! What's sad is that I see these people more than I see my own family -- Watching people walk into this building in the mornings is kind of surreal. It’s like watching a farmer with his whip, yelling at the cattle to move toward the barn in an orderly fashion. This is what I thought this morning when saw the 'herd' move toward the front door. HA-HA! I stare at people's outfits and wonder what some of them were thinking when they got dressed that morning. We all do it, but don't confess it. Let's be realistic -- ya know? Once in a while, you'll get that average idiot that will try to steer up 2 seconds of meaningless conversation by saying, "hey, so.... Are you ready for the holidays?" I'm thinking, "Why do you care? For all you know, I could be Jewish or a Jehovah Witness or something." Do you really care if I'm ready for Christmas? Probably not. What I really wanted to say was, "No, I'm not ready. I woke up this morning with a killer headache and I'm about to start my period. How the f##k are you today?" HA-HA! Thoughts......meaningless little thoughts....

F##k It

Dear F##k It:

Well, I don’t really know where to start, but here goes. First off, Gadabout doesn’t suffer from bouts of killer headaches, but he often goes through periods in his life of reflection and spiritual alignment – so I sort of feel your pain.

Yes, elevators and going to the office is trying for most Americans because most Americans hate their jobs and desire to drink booze all day long. If it’s not booze, it’s either drugs or massive doses of television. Some amongst us actually love their jobs (or so they condition themselves to believe so) and merrily cruise through the day producing and ideating. All paths lead to the same place – the retirement home. Some are nicer than others, but all beds are reserved for death. There is no escape.

I suggest that you help these hapless souls who know not the wisdom of mismatched stripes and plaids. Maybe try a sympathetic smile and hand them a fashion magazine as a guide to a better life. There is so much that can be done to help those in need, and your life’s work may very well be in the service of others. Don’t miss your calling – ya know!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Procrastination Leads to Consternation

Thou Art Lazy

Travels to Europe
Sights of the Old World – Castles!
Cancelled – no passport

Someone close to Gadabout
whom shall remain nameless (my sister) called me to inform that she is being sent to Germany by her corporate giant on business. The “trip” has been on and off for a few weeks and yesterday the decision was finally made to send her. There is a problem, however; she doesn’t have a passport. Crap!

Okay, folks, here is the dealio – post 9-11 every citizen should have flooded passport offices with applications. A passport is the ONE true identification for Americans. It is, quite frankly, the gold standard for travel. No passport, no entry. It’s that simple.

Lose your drivers license? Well, what do you do? It’s simple. You take your passport to DMV and get a new one. You get mugged on the streets of Detroit (not far fetched) and have your wallet or purse taken away by thugs. No problem. You have your passport stashed away at home. You still have an IDENTITY!

If you don’t have a passport, you are asking for problems. And those problems are of your making! Wake up and smell reality, identity and Travelocity!