Thursday, March 6, 2008

Ask Gadabout Jack -- Elevators

Dear Gadabout,
I was having some random thoughts during my 30 second ride in the [location omitted by Gadabout] elevator this morning. Why are people so grumpy in the elevator? I mean seriously...We know you don't want to be at work anymore than we do, but you could at least be courteous and kind in the morning. A bunch of aging people standing in a confined space, wishing the electricity would go out in the entire building...or a massive snow storm would that we could have an excuse to leave the building for the day. I feel the need to say hello to people in the elevator that I've worked with in the past, when really I could give a crap. I wouldn't even notice if they had passed away unless I read it in the obituaries -- ya know? Isn't that awful? But it's the truth. It’s not like you 'really' know them -- ya know? I don't even remember some of their names honestly...but I act like I do when I say hello to them.

Its so fake...this 'work world' we live in. Ha-ha! What's sad is that I see these people more than I see my own family -- Watching people walk into this building in the mornings is kind of surreal. It’s like watching a farmer with his whip, yelling at the cattle to move toward the barn in an orderly fashion. This is what I thought this morning when saw the 'herd' move toward the front door. HA-HA! I stare at people's outfits and wonder what some of them were thinking when they got dressed that morning. We all do it, but don't confess it. Let's be realistic -- ya know? Once in a while, you'll get that average idiot that will try to steer up 2 seconds of meaningless conversation by saying, "hey, so.... Are you ready for the holidays?" I'm thinking, "Why do you care? For all you know, I could be Jewish or a Jehovah Witness or something." Do you really care if I'm ready for Christmas? Probably not. What I really wanted to say was, "No, I'm not ready. I woke up this morning with a killer headache and I'm about to start my period. How the f##k are you today?" HA-HA! Thoughts......meaningless little thoughts....

F##k It

Dear F##k It:

Well, I don’t really know where to start, but here goes. First off, Gadabout doesn’t suffer from bouts of killer headaches, but he often goes through periods in his life of reflection and spiritual alignment – so I sort of feel your pain.

Yes, elevators and going to the office is trying for most Americans because most Americans hate their jobs and desire to drink booze all day long. If it’s not booze, it’s either drugs or massive doses of television. Some amongst us actually love their jobs (or so they condition themselves to believe so) and merrily cruise through the day producing and ideating. All paths lead to the same place – the retirement home. Some are nicer than others, but all beds are reserved for death. There is no escape.

I suggest that you help these hapless souls who know not the wisdom of mismatched stripes and plaids. Maybe try a sympathetic smile and hand them a fashion magazine as a guide to a better life. There is so much that can be done to help those in need, and your life’s work may very well be in the service of others. Don’t miss your calling – ya know!

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