Sunday, April 27, 2008

Immigration Solutions – Gator Bait

Round up those critters and let’s solve the illegal Mexican immigration problem. That’s the solution posited by Gadabout’s neighbor’s sister. Take all those pesky gators inhabiting Florida that mess with golfers and small pets, and send them off to the Rio Grande. Who needs a wall when you got gators? Got gator?

Unfortunately, Gadabout is a pacifist and cannot endorse such a program despite its obvious flare and potential popularity. Nope, can’t do it. I can’t because I have another idea. An idea seeped in established theory and knowledge, and still incorporates aquatic life forms. Sorry, gator, no tacos for dinner tonight!

Let’s bring in a few thousand dolphins and set them free. Dolphins would populate the Rio Grande and swim with style and grace, calling like Sirens to drunken sailors, and swooning the masses with their laughter and play. Picture all those Mexicans mesmerized by our pals the dolphins, not wanting to cross to the other side. The border patrol will simply cast their nets and pull them to shore for orderly deportation. It would be like Disney World on steroids!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Gadabout's Green Sack

It is of no surprise that Gadabout was Green before Green was cool. And it certainly should not be a surprise that he is guided by an enduring spirit dedicated to finding fresh avenues for sensible conservation and the elimination of waste. Yes, while all the soccer moms and defeated sissy-boy professionals with no sack are driving Toyota Priuses, I have been silently championing a green agenda.

The motivation for conservation is simple enough; chicks dig it, it saves cash and God is a big supporter. Chicks desire guys who are green because they see a man who can be manipulated into a flawless marble sculpture in their own likeness. Yes, even the penis will be removed. These are quick strike opportunities for men, and the requirement for a timely egress must be continuously assessed.

Conservation saves cash. I’m not talking about paying $30,000 on a sissy-mobile. No! I’m talking about keeping that SUV in top running condition, and reducing the miles driven. You need a pack of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer? Well, take a walk to the 7-11 and take in the fresh air. You’ll walk off the calories and save gas to boot.

Conservation is NOT driving a Prius and living in a 4,000 square foot mini-mansion that has to be heated and cooled. It is not flying to Hawaii and staying at a “Green” hotel either. This is green-hypocrisy, which leads to the discussion of God.

God frowns upon Prius drivers who secretly waste valuable energy supplies while building up green-egos that latch onto and falsely identify with pseudo-conservation entities. This act of deception to the self and society is labeled as a sin by Jesus himself.

When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." John 6:12

Now, Gadabout is not without sin, but he is climbing that lonely trail to salvation one awkward step at a time. And the current step upon that trail is “green grocery bags.” That’s right, going green by utilizing reusable bags so as to limit waste and conserve energy. Oh, how John would have been proud! Right now, in the heavens above the Titans and the Olympians – the good Lord and all the angles and saints are smiling upon the actions of Gadabout and others who use reusable grocery bags.

Our motto: We have Sack!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Say no to drugs

What was she thinking in the first place?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Conservative Talk Radio Listener Profile

Gadabout believes that the success of talk radio (Rush and the like) is due to many middle class listeners believing that they are wealthier than they actually are. That is to say that the broad audience (who would be better off financially with higher taxes on the richest Americans) of such programs are unaware of financial entrenchment in the heart of the middle class. These listeners mistakenly side with wealthy Americans because of values and belief systems that denounce tax increases and incremental governmental growth. They appear to side with upper class simply on the basis of opposing ANY increase in taxation, even if it does not positively affect them as a group.

Take Social Security as an example. Social Security tax limits for 2008 have increased from $97,500 to $102,000. Workers making less than $102,000 are taxed at 15.3% (7.65% paid by the individual and another 7.65% paid by the employer). If you made exactly $102,000 the federal government would receive $15,606. Okay, how about if you made $204,000 (twice as much as the lowly $102,000 earner)? Well, the government receives $15,606, the exact same amount! Earn $1,000,000,000,000 a year and you pay the same amount: $15,606.

The federal income rates show similar trends. The middle bracket ranges between $77,000 and $160,000 and is anchored around 28%. Two higher brackets exist above $160,000 and $350,000, and top out at 35%. Yes, higher brackets exist, but they are offset by surprising low Social Security limits.

Who listens to Talk Radio? Well, I am going to guess that the majority is in the 28% tax bracket and don’t exceed the $102,000 Social Security limit. This group has been duped into believing that they are part of the highest classes in America, and that any increases in taxation would severely and negatively impact their little world. That’s my cut on it, anyway

Monday, April 7, 2008

Hey, China – Light My Fire

China, the land of sneaky shoe makers and all play things painted with lead, is under fire again by those opposed to their human rights record. It seems the best way to lift the tides of humanity is to beat up innocent Olympians carrying a rather large Zippo cigarette lighter. The French, God love them, love protests as much as they love Love. Very cozy and very caring. Cozy because all the protestors are wearing Nike sneakers to protect their feet from the cold and rain. And Caring because beating up cops and innocents is a firm affirmation of care giving.

Okay, here is the big deal-e-o regarding China. China is a power house and will most likely take over the world within the next 100 years. All of this will occur while the socialistic western societies crumble under a wave of debt being held by the all powerful mega economy of China. Americans and Europeans (let’s include the world excluding Muslim nations and Switzerland) will busy themselves with porn, alcohol and college sporting events while street signs are silently translated to Chinese dialects. “Crap, Ohio State lost another championship game!”

Here is Gadabout’s advice to the world: Let’s play hardball with Evil China before Nike factories are relocated to Detroit. The Olympics in China is a good thing because it diverts their attention from producing to PLAYING games. The sooner we successfully introduce sex, drugs, alcohol and college sporting events in Beijing, the sooner Chinese workers will miss work and become defiant. It’s really that simple. Light the fires and let the games begin!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Bill Murray - Kill Golfers

Hey, Golf season is upon us!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

We think Recession, therefore we are in Recession

Rene Descartes, the French philosopher and great thinker (pictured above), had a Gadabout moment several hundred years ago: “I think, therefore I am.” Okay, sounds cool, so let’s switch the words around to conform to Gadabout’s theory that since we all believe that the economy really sucks, then we must be experiencing a deep recession – right? Screw that. I don’t buy into this fear mongering and neither should you.

Did I just hear you say “sub-prime crisis?” Fine, then. Let me ask you when you missed your last mortgage payment? Never? Oh, my. Okay, how many of your family members are in default? None? Oh, my. My point is that there are many leaving houses behind and defaulting, but that number is not for the average American homeowner. These defaults are from lackey investors and people who were too stupid to understand harsh economic realities. Sure, there are most likely those out there that hit a rough patch and were blindsided by the unfortunate lose of a job, a disability, or some other personal set back. These things happen in life. Gadabout is not blind to the fact that there are people out there on their asses. They are the poor, and we do need the poor.

Picture of REAL poor people

We need poor people around so that we can feel good helping them up. That’s why we have organizations around like Habitat for Humanity, Community Colleges, and Congress. Churches like to give money to the needy too, but donorship from the Catholic church has been diverted of late to take care of a few nagging legal issues. Anyway, without the poor we would be a lost community, steering without a compass. Poor people create balance, stability and direction to our great nation.

Points to ponder regarding your personal recession ordeal:

1. Has anyone stolen the tires off your car lately? During a recession, crime increases.
2. Have you dinned out in the past 10 days? During a recession, people cut back on expenses.
3. Have you missed a meal due to having no food in the house?
4. Do your children receive an allowance for doing nothing?
5. Have you paid a Veterinarian to care for a pet?
6. Have you been sick and not been able to see a physician?
7. Has you car been repossessed?
8. Have you removed alcohol and tobacco from your lifestyle to pay for food?
9. Do you glean food from a dumpster behind McDonalds?
10. Have you eaten dog food?

I think, therefore I am? Now that's some deep stuff!

Kissimmee Expedition, 2008

Gadabout's 2003 Chevrolet Trailblazer performed flawlessly during the expedition

Gadabout takes pride in the PA-34-200 twin engine Piper Seneca that kept him safe during the rigors of flight training

Gadabout completed his expedition to Kissimmee, Florida, on 1 April, 2008. After successfully demonstrating his knowledge of multi-engine instruction, and passing the practical flight test with Larry Thomas (FAA Designated Examiner), Gadabout received his multi-engine instructor (MEI) certificate. Some of you close to Gadabout know that he was scheduled to pursue a multi-engine sea certificate. Well, I blew that off after going over budget and tiring from sleeping in a crack house/meth lab, also known as a Super 8 hotel located off of highway 192 in the heart of Kissimmee.

I had every intention of keeping my beloved readership up to date on a daily basis, but the rigors of flight training (and watching movies at night) prevented such updates. Fear not, I am back in form and shall keep you abreast of the myths and lies that confront us each and every day.