Friday, April 25, 2008

Gadabout's Green Sack

It is of no surprise that Gadabout was Green before Green was cool. And it certainly should not be a surprise that he is guided by an enduring spirit dedicated to finding fresh avenues for sensible conservation and the elimination of waste. Yes, while all the soccer moms and defeated sissy-boy professionals with no sack are driving Toyota Priuses, I have been silently championing a green agenda.

The motivation for conservation is simple enough; chicks dig it, it saves cash and God is a big supporter. Chicks desire guys who are green because they see a man who can be manipulated into a flawless marble sculpture in their own likeness. Yes, even the penis will be removed. These are quick strike opportunities for men, and the requirement for a timely egress must be continuously assessed.

Conservation saves cash. I’m not talking about paying $30,000 on a sissy-mobile. No! I’m talking about keeping that SUV in top running condition, and reducing the miles driven. You need a pack of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer? Well, take a walk to the 7-11 and take in the fresh air. You’ll walk off the calories and save gas to boot.

Conservation is NOT driving a Prius and living in a 4,000 square foot mini-mansion that has to be heated and cooled. It is not flying to Hawaii and staying at a “Green” hotel either. This is green-hypocrisy, which leads to the discussion of God.

God frowns upon Prius drivers who secretly waste valuable energy supplies while building up green-egos that latch onto and falsely identify with pseudo-conservation entities. This act of deception to the self and society is labeled as a sin by Jesus himself.

When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." John 6:12

Now, Gadabout is not without sin, but he is climbing that lonely trail to salvation one awkward step at a time. And the current step upon that trail is “green grocery bags.” That’s right, going green by utilizing reusable bags so as to limit waste and conserve energy. Oh, how John would have been proud! Right now, in the heavens above the Titans and the Olympians – the good Lord and all the angles and saints are smiling upon the actions of Gadabout and others who use reusable grocery bags.

Our motto: We have Sack!

No comments: