Monday, November 26, 2007

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Vote Yes for Thanksgiving


Thanksgiving Day

Friends and family
Stuff bellies with pumpkin pie
Digests into fat


Gadabout has always enjoyed Thanksgiving Day. Thanksgiving has never held any spiritual or other higher level of reverence for me, and I guess I don’t give thanks as much as others do. I just like Thanksgiving Day for what it is – time with friends and family, eating, drinking, watching football and playing board games. Sure, sometimes I have to expend effort with the dishes or break out the electric knife to carve a bird up, but that is all part of the fun.

There are few expectations on Thanksgiving. You’re not expected to buy gifts, wear dress slacks or attend Mass either. This makes Thanksgiving a laid back feel. And let’s not forget that it always falls on a Thursday and most people make a four day weekend out of it. Yep, it all adds up to four glorious days of hanging out, drinking coffee and devouring leftovers.

Sure, you gain a pound or two over the holiday, but who cares? Running shoes and gyms were made to take care of extra pounds. A pound of fat is nothing but a thing, and a little thing at that. One session in a tanning booth will handle a pound of fat, because tan fat looks like muscle. Think about that!

I vote that we keep Thanksgiving on the calendar for eternity, even though we won’t be around that long. With advances in modern science and medicine I figure I might be able to enjoy another 50 Thanksgivings. I’m looking forward to all of them.

Friday, November 16, 2007

What’s not in the News is Newsworthy


Gadabout has discovered that what is not being reported on in the major news outlets is what is actually newsworthy. Katrina was newsworthy for a long time because it had legs – long legs. President Bush was definitely at fault, and mayor Nagan and the governor did everything right. The other costal areas hit hard and destroyed were of little interest because those areas had republican leadership, so they just had to tough it out. New Orleans must be okay now because we don’t hear much about Katrina.

I am also guessing the war in Iraq is doing better now too. The anti war zealots are kind of quiet this days. The lower house continues to push timetables for pullouts that never pass. These failed attempts aren’t even newsworthy any longer. Ho-hum.

Our nation’s infrastructure must have repaired itself overnight while we were sleeping too. After the Twin Cities suffered their sorrowful bridge disaster, we were frighten by the press that we were all certainly going to die soon in another disaster. I don’t think the presidential debates have even touched upon our national infrastructure. The problem seems to have gone away. Brilliant!

Global Warming receives a gold star for endurance, style and form. Al Gore receives some sort of peace prize for saving the world, but we are told that it still needs saving. That dude has some major connections – I want to party with him!

It’s not just what’s in the news, it also about what’s not. Keep the stories coming about how Hillary is a shoe-in.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

When Not to Buy a New Car


Gadabout has been driving his Chevy Trail Blazer 600 miles per week lately due employment factors. He is averaging 19 MPG resulting in a fuel consumption rate of 31.6 Gallons per week. At $3.00 per gallon my fuel bill amounts to $94.74. The question I ask myself is, “should I buy a new car, and if I do, what car is it and should I keep the Chevy.”

The Trail Blazer has been a winner. It cost $24,400 new, has never coughed and does okay with overall performance. Besides all that there are models available that I can fit in, get better mileage and don’t have 80,000 miles on them. After consideration and analysis, I have determined that buying a vehicle to save fuel does not save me any money. It would be emotional to buy a new car at this time, so long as the 2003 Chevy keeps humming.

Here’s why:

- We’ll use the Pontiac Vibe as a baseline. A fully loaded Vibe can be had for $20K (Gadabout’s brother works for GM so he gets a discount).

- The Trail Blazer is worth about $7K with a trade in. So we are looking at an outlay of $13K for the new Vibe.

- The Vibe would most likely average 30 mpg, resulting in a monthly savings of $34.74 per month. That equals $1806 per year.

- After 1 year the Trail Blazer will be worth $6K and the Vibe about $16K. This means that I will still be ahead by $1,200 by keeping the Chevy.

- After 2 years it is the same story; the Chevy is worth $5K and the Vibe $12K (at best).

- The rubber and brakes have been replaced on the Chevy, so with any luck it will hold up nicely.

You see, the problem is that cars are designed and manufactured last a long time. Couple that with rapid depreciation rates after the initial buy and you end up with awkward choices. It is tough going green when the numbers don’t add up. The point is that beware of the myth that you’ll save money if you buy a smaller car. The wise run numbers – Gadabout runs the numbers.

The plan is to buy an economical vehicle once gas hits $4.00 per gallon, or when the Chevy hits 150,000 miles. And of course if it leaves me high and dry someday on a dark and rainy night I’ll toss it to the curb.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Email Inbox Creep


Gadabout has labeled neglected email accounts that have grown beyond their usefulness, and have become burdensome as “inboxobesity.” Inboxobesity is an indicator of an unhealthy social, economic and individual lifestyle. A person suffering from inboxobesity usually exhibits traits of messy homes, dirty bathrooms and wrinkled clothing. They also have higher than normal blood pressure, often get lost when driving and have a cluttered junk drawer in the kitchen.

Inboxobesity, like alcoholism, is a disease and those suffering from its ravaging affects should be treated with kindness and care. Don’t let yourself drift into the grip of this nasty ailment by taking the necessary steps to freedom.

Step 1. Start by deleting your deleted folder. This is a baby step. We are talking about little victories here!

Step 2. Set your delete settings to delete when you hit delete.

Step 3. Give your sent folder a good once over. This is refreshing and exhilarating.

Step 4. Give every sub-folder a good once over and delete with delight. Delete some of these folders.

Step 5. This is important. Update your contacts list. Many people save emails just for contact information! Get hip!

Gadabout is always here for you when you need him.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Stupid People

Yes, they are everywhere!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Water-Boarding


Water-boarding? Gadabout, what’s that? Well, it appears that it is a form of torture that is turning into a big no-no these days, and is causing a stir up in DC with the Senate confirmation hearings for Justice Department nominee, Michael Mukasey.

Water-boarding very effectively simulates a drowning experience to the “victim.” Oh my dear God, I am dying.” After passing out (I guess) the individual recovers and is shaken up a bit and coughs up State secrets. That seems to be the long and short of it, anyway. This has become a big deal – what is torture?

Gadabout doesn’t believe this is torture because he grew up watching movies about the Germans, Japs, and Vietcong beating the live out of prisoners. You know, the really grizzly stuff that horror movies are made of, except they really did that stuff. If someone is hung suspended by their arms for days, are whipped and brutalized and die – that’s torture.

Gadabout thinks we should be kind and keep the water at a nice room temperature.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Stupid Road Signs


Stupid Road Signs

Unimpeded drive
Smooth sailing along corn fields
End construction sign

Gadabout is curious about construction signs – more specifically, those that read: “END CONSTRUCTION.” It is nice to know that construction has stopped and you can start speeding again. Speeding is fun. But the weird part of “end construction” signs is when you never knew any construction was gong on in the first place. This is troubling.

Well, this troublesome trend (and I see a trend here) seems to have roots in poor management of road projects. I am guessing that that when you motor by “end construction” signs where there was no apparent construction, the construction crew simply left the sign up either through neglect or laziness. Regardless, the buck has to stop somewhere, and the person in charge should be held accountable for their lack of proper oversight.

Other advisory signs torque me off too:

“End School Zone.” Hey, I never knew I was in a school zone, you hillbilly freaks!

“Left Lane Ends.” Everyone merges right and the left lane is open – that sucks.

“Construction Ahead.” Damn it, where’s the construction?

Gadabout asks for feedback.