Thursday, August 28, 2008

Capoeira Fighter Isn't So Tough

Well, he never listened to mum.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Wanderings Without a Cell Phone

Canada: it is a large country north of the USA -- really!

Gadabout is battling withdrawal from his cell phone. I didn’t lose the phone, nor did I fail to plan cell details before trekking off on my most recent peregrination into the northern environs of Parry Sound, Ontario. No, I changed my service plan with Verizon well in advance, but after crossing the pitiful border onto Canadian soil the phone just F%$#ing quit working. The Network, My Network, the dude on TV and all of his pals dumped my ass at the border crossing and have not caught up yet. Cell phones suck. Verizon sucks.

Sure, I was searched at the boarder too. It seems that vacationing balding middle aged men poise a serious threat to national security. “Anything to declare?” asks the punk kid with a silly looking uniform. “No,” I reply. “Fine, pull over there,” as he points a pale finger at the inspection station, “and talk to them.” The little shit even simled.

This is Canada, the fifty-first State, our pals to the north. No cell phones, eh? No balding retired naval officers allowed, eh? But you’ll take my cash, right? Eh. Well at least the women are hot, and the beer is cold. Eh? I vote to make Canada a state of the US of A -- stuff might start working up here.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dear Gadabout Jack -- Olympics

Dear Gadabout Jack, I have a new idea for you to wax about:

Like many Americans, I found myself caught up in the Olympics for the first week. Now that the Michael Phelps show is over, I kind of feel like Tucker Max did when he was no longer the center of attention with his breathalyzer. I believe that what we need to do as a nation now is to collect a bunch of money, commission some artist, and produce a very large statue (Think Colossus) of Michael Phelps celebrating victory. Then in a gesture of friendship we need to deliver and install this statue in the middle of Beijing. It would eventually become the Chinese version of our statue of Liberty, only classier, because it's not French!
That's my 2 bits!

Sincerely and most respectfully,
Buzz Cut

Dear Buzz,
Your true genius is exceeded only by your articulate and enthusiastic imagination. Bravo to you and your originality. This “offering” to the Red Communists would succeed on many levels. First, how could they possibly not accept a gift from their favored investment company? They pretty much own us in the sense that we have leveraged our entire future on their filthy cash tainted by forced labor and polluting factories.

Hey, we’ll most likely have to manufacture the statue on Chinese soil because it will take an excessive amount of time to pull permits, secure safe materials, allow for woman and minority owned small businesses to bid on the government contract, etc. They make it, we pay for it, and they clear an insignificant village to erect and display it. We call that a “win-win.”

Maybe we could slip a bronze copy of Tucker’s book into Phelps' back pocket to confuse communist party leadership. “Who is Tucker Max?” they will chant in unison. So long as he is not a Founding Father, they might just let it pass.

Who is Tucker Max? Well, who is John Galt?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

NTSB Aircraft Mishap Report – Pilot (John Edwards) Error, Aircraft Departed Controlled Flight and Impacted Terrain

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” – Sir Walter Scott

It’s not really a news worthy event when a high profile politician is cornered for excessive liberties, nor is it unusual for such a wounded soul to pull out the deception tool for damage control. Ex Presidential hopeful and one time Senator from the Carolinas is human, and humans are not incapable of fault. What is news worthy is that Edwards, the hardened supporter of liberal causes, has seemed to crack under the pressures of his actions. Edwards was a favored child of the left and was trusted to assume the highest office of the land, and cracking under pressure is not allowed. Cracking is unacceptable.

President Clinton successfully navigated hostile waters during the Monica months by looking directly into cameras and challenging the world to a fist fight. You may not respect the man and his moral fiber, but you have to respect his ability to bluff at a high stakes poker table. Clinton showed strength. Not moral strength, but strength nonetheless. Edwards cracked.

Presidents are not allowed to crack. They become tarnished and marred, but they don’t break. Bush the 2nd is worn and battle torn and continues to stand tall. Presidents take risks and make decisions that are never accepted by all, and after years of decision making odds are that they’ll create ire with the broad population over time. Edwards’ behavior uncovers the nasty truth that he didn’t have “the right stuff” after all. That’s the rub – those who supported him are confronted with the reality that “they” were wrong all along. His followers were bamboozled, and that realization hurts. Ouch! They got a swift boat kick to the gut kind of an ouch.

John Edwards was a pretty good pilot, trained by the best and was given the keys to the finest aircraft ever built. He fearlessly taunted thunderstorms with skill and grace for years. He has landed limping aircraft on rough runways and always walked away sans a scratch – until today. Today, John Edwards lost control and the aircraft departed controlled flight and impacted the terrain. Cause of accident: Pilot Error.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Screw The Olympics

Gadabout would like to address the Olympics, but first he needs to talk about himself. Currently, Gadabout is in sunny Winter Haven, Florida, flying the mighty Twin Bee multiengine amphibious aircraft of world fame. The photo above is of the actual aircraft being operated daily from the shores of Brown’s Seaplane Base. It takes commanding skills to safely and effectively fly one of these beauties, and Gadabout is excelling on all fronts. God gave us wings to fly. God gave us the gift of anger if we fail the check ride. Think about that.

Okay, the Olympics. All the usual medal counts and pageantry (expect those million or so drummers on opening night – Sort of scared the crap out of me!), but something seems to be missing. Cannot quite put a finger on it. It’s almost like every event I watch is a partial event. Like the end a swimming race that pops up on the news channel. And then there is the President patting everyone on the back, or talking smack about human rights. How about those prissy bikers wearing the black masks through the airport making a “statement.” What was that all about, anyway?

Long Jump -- Yawn!

We need new competitive venues for the games. Long Jump? Okay, that sucks. A dude runs as fast as he can and leaps forth into the fray of the sand pit. Pole vaulting is still cool because they utilize a medieval jousting rod and fling themselves into the heavens. Pole vaulting can stay, but the long jump can walk out the back door and we’ll kick it closed behind them.

The Olympics suck. We need gladiators kicking some serious ass using weapons and shields, who use pole-vaulting equipment to scale walls to proceed to the archery zone to pony up arrows to claim Chinese drummers. The reward? Not only do they receive a medal for surviving, they are offered a hottie gymnastic chick for the week to be used as a hero sees fit. Screw the Olympics.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Hottest Robot Chicks

Gadabout's favorite Android Rachael AKA Sean Young

After Gadabout finished watching Cherry 2000 on DVD a couple weeks back, he got to thinking about all the hot android chicks created throughout history and how cool it will be once civilization achieves full rate production of these beauties. If you haven’t seen Pamela Gridley (Model Cherry 2000) in her thought provoking role, then I recommend you stop by Blockbusters on the way home from the office and pick up a copy. No worries, God would approve.

Cherry 2000 AKA Pamela Gridley

Sean Young and Daryl Hannah played Rachael and Pris respectively on Blade Runner...Very Nice, indeed! Replicants Rule!

Pris AKA Daryl Hannah

The Stepford Wives had Katharine Ross in the 1975 version and Nicole Kidman in the 2004 remake. Hard to beat that line-up.

Katharine Ross AKA Stepford Wife

Nicole Kidman AKA upgraded Stepford Wive

Alice Krige played the Borg Queen in Star Trek: First Contact…Disturbing, yet there was something there.

Alice Krige AKA Borg Queen

Seven of Nine was a Borg played by the not unattractive Jeri Ryan and holds a special place in Gadabout’s heart – even if she is not a “true” robot.

Jeri Ryan AKA Seven of Nine

Anyway, the day will come where compliant and sexy Android Chicks will walk the face of the earth, created by sapient scientists, dedicated to the betterment of mankind.