Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dear Gadabout Jack -- Olympics

Dear Gadabout Jack, I have a new idea for you to wax about:

Like many Americans, I found myself caught up in the Olympics for the first week. Now that the Michael Phelps show is over, I kind of feel like Tucker Max did when he was no longer the center of attention with his breathalyzer. I believe that what we need to do as a nation now is to collect a bunch of money, commission some artist, and produce a very large statue (Think Colossus) of Michael Phelps celebrating victory. Then in a gesture of friendship we need to deliver and install this statue in the middle of Beijing. It would eventually become the Chinese version of our statue of Liberty, only classier, because it's not French!
That's my 2 bits!

Sincerely and most respectfully,
Buzz Cut

Dear Buzz,
Your true genius is exceeded only by your articulate and enthusiastic imagination. Bravo to you and your originality. This “offering” to the Red Communists would succeed on many levels. First, how could they possibly not accept a gift from their favored investment company? They pretty much own us in the sense that we have leveraged our entire future on their filthy cash tainted by forced labor and polluting factories.

Hey, we’ll most likely have to manufacture the statue on Chinese soil because it will take an excessive amount of time to pull permits, secure safe materials, allow for woman and minority owned small businesses to bid on the government contract, etc. They make it, we pay for it, and they clear an insignificant village to erect and display it. We call that a “win-win.”

Maybe we could slip a bronze copy of Tucker’s book into Phelps' back pocket to confuse communist party leadership. “Who is Tucker Max?” they will chant in unison. So long as he is not a Founding Father, they might just let it pass.

Who is Tucker Max? Well, who is John Galt?


Anonymous said...

Can we translate Tucker Max into Mandarin? Would they get it? Was Tucker Max ever in CAG-3?

Gadabout Jack said...

Tucker was a CAG-8 freak boy.