Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Dear Gadabout Jack: Bachelor Spending

Dear Gadabout Jack,

I've had a hell of a week, it's only Monday, and the forecast looks even bleaker for the rest of the week. All your talk of saving up for college has made this bachelor think that it is high time I make an investment in my soul. Your many successful days as a bachelor have been inspirational to many and some have even referred to you as the "the Godfather." I digress...I want to spend some money for no good reason other than I can. What has been your best bachelor purchase under three grand? Lastly, what was Nova Scotia like?

God be with you,
Bachelor with Money Burning a Hole in My Pocket

Dear Bachelor Packing Burning Cash: Gadabout has confronted his inner most demons over this topic and I am enthusiastic to share my advice and offer shallow opinions. Yes, so often I have pondered how to squalor away vast sums of cash in pursuit of discovering the true self. It is not a simple task, and I regard your inquiry with great respect and admiration. You asked about Nova Scotia, so I’ll have to tell you that it was fantastic and that every young man should avail himself to a summer enjoying the pleasantries of the Canadian Eastern Provinces. Canada is very cool and the women are beautiful—lots of French influence! Canada is the foundation for this adventure. Canada is great.

I was pulled over for speeding just south of Halifax, and when the Copper noticed I was in the military he let me off the hook. All I told him was that I flew fighters for the navy and that was it. He was genuinely proud of me. Now, that is cool. It is easy to forget a face or an event, but I’ll never forget that guy—ever! That doesn't happen in Virginia.

Okay, this is what you do with $3,000. You research Nova Scotia and find out some really cool facts about the place. The television program “Trailer Park Boys” is filmed there, so you’ll need to youTube in advance. They also have had UFO sightings. Go to those places! And lastly, hire on as a hand on a fishing boat for a few days and enjoy meeting the common public! You’ll come back home with a fresh outlook on life and be a better person for it. Live, my fine young friend—LIVE!

The Budget (9 days):

Flowers for Mum: $50.00
Dinner with girlfriend before departing: $110.00
Airline fare: $400.00
Rental car: $400.00
Lodging: $1,000.00 (you’ll sleep on the beach a few nights)
Food: $400.00
Stupid gifts: $100.00
Booze: $300.00
A cool gift to yourself: $100.00
“The Tab’s on me:” $100.00
Stuff you forgot to pack: $100.00
Misc.: $100.00

Total $3,160

And remember, you must take this trip with a trusted buddy. Never forget the “Buddy System.” And if you go with a buddy, he’ll pick up part of the expenses, so you should be able to accomplish your mission for under $3,000.

My best buy for $3,000? Memories! You’ll be buying memories with this trip to Nova Scotia. Execute Plan Alpha.


Lee said...

while I applaud your very serious travel plans for B w/hot money...I wonder if you missed the line about "for my soul?" As a free person also, I would suggest a plan that allows more time for introspection and less for obliteration....how about a train ride to Seattle? Time to contemplate the affairs of the world as they pertain to your own person, plus adventure????? Lee

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Did I miss the boat here with your last column and posted comments I read on vacations? I'm dumb founded with these comments on vacations and introspection? Isn't that exactly what you don't want to do on a vacation? Isn't a vacation supposed to be about forgetting about life for awhile?

I thought you stated you explicitly wrote a shallow, biased, witty and opinionated blog. Can't these people read? Apparently their IQ is low.

All this soul searching "crap" people dump out there just makes me think it's crap in their heads. Probably someone with no good friends, and wouldn't know the buddy system if it hit them in the face.

It's the same people who would be asking what it means if a chicken took a dump on their face too. Who knows how long they'd think about that and try to makes sense of it. It just means a chicken crapped on your face. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Let Lee figure that one out.

Someone with 3 grand wanting to go on a, "soul searching" vacation has a screw loose upstairs! You've got to call them like you see them man. No margin for error as you know. That's the exact opposite of what a vacation should be. I would like to recommend the movie,"Tequila Sunrise" with a bottle to both comment posters. It could open a whole new dimension to their world. There is a hidden message in movie for them too.

I think some reef diving is in order for Lee who needs to get in touch with the sharks or open someone's fly to release that pent up frustration. Lee baby, you've got to lighten up or the light bulb will never come on.

Gadabout you know when someone just talking crap, in the Navy you meet crap head on. They both sound like flakes to me. In the Navy we call them Antarctic _______!

I read your blog's as my day starts at Zero 6:00 AM. I think your wit, wisdom is meant to facilitate some great fun and is a great read. Who needs that crap anyway? The Mommy Dearest photo is appropriate given the comments made. It applies to all the bent chicks of the world. I've met plenty in my day.

They must have all missed the piece on how to conceive a child. That wasn't deeply introspective enough for them with your advice of leave it to the Creator.

With Respect,

Captain "Dan" White, USN
Washington, DC

Anonymous said...

Forgot to say, that question you answered sounds like a chick, no man talks like that.

Danno White

Gadabout Jack said...

Wow, I never thought my readers would have cared much about this post. Anyway, everyone has there own idea of what constitutes a good vacation. Maybe that's why family vacations often result in chaos! Good comments all around. Keep safe and play fair.

Anonymous said...

Dude! You forgot the awesome pubs & nudie joints in Halifax! (Talk about an attitude adjustment - Navy style...)

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