Monday, August 13, 2007

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

Gadabout had the rare opportunity to hang out in Manhattan this past weekend to celebrate the upcoming marriage of two close friends. Manhattan was chosen as the gathering place for a joint bachelor and bachelorette get together. Friday night was scheduled as a mixer, and Saturday night was bifurcated along gender lines. The result? Well, we all spent a lot of cash, ate millions of calories of food and consumed vast quantities of alcohol.

With all of the above said and done, I would like to say that I enjoyed the precious moments I spent with close friends in celebration of marriage. I would not exchange the trip for all of the money in the world (well, maybe for all of the money in the world, but not for let’s say $5,000—if we are going to put a dollar figure on it!). The bottom line is that we all had fun, and having a joint gender gathering is kind of cool since it eliminates the mysteries of suspicion and doubt. This is good.

With that said, Gadabout will offer some modest advice for those planning parties in preparation for marriage:

For the Guys:

No Dancers or other women who offer their bodies for a price should ever be part of the plan. No good ever comes from paying for females to join in the fun. Just look to the game of lacrosse in North Carolina for supporting arguments.

If you party in NY then you should fly into the city. Gadabout made the decision to drive into Manhattan, and I was rewarded in misery. The toll roads in NJ suck, and entering Manhattan via the Lincoln Tunnel on a Friday is akin to flying a combat mission with a suspect hydraulic system, suffering from the flu, and having an idiot as a division lead. Pay the cash and fly.

Eat light. We dined at one of those fancy Brazilian restaurants where they offer unlimited quantities of meat, from all the animals on earth, to stuff a hungry pie hole. Over eating is uncomfortable and unhealthy. Guys cannot say no, so all you can eat is a bad idea. Someone always blows chunks, and during our event a nameless soul soiled the hotel floor near the elevators.

Abuse alcohol wisely. Gadabout learned the ancient art of mixing Red Bull with various distilled spirits. This kept me alert and allowed me to look after my buddies until the wee hours of the night.

Use the “double it” rule. Whatever you budget for a trip into party central double that amount. This will keep you from hunting for an ATM machine at 0200.

For the Chicks:

Support the Guys in all their endeavors. Look, you own us in the long run so play along and bend backwards to keep us happy. We all end up buying you a house after ten years, forcing us to live in a cheat apartment until we recover financially and emotionally after the divorce. Be kind!

And before I forget, we (the guys) witnessed at least 5 bachelorette parties as we flowed throughout the city enjoying our anonymity. Wearing a balloon shaped like a penis on your head looks silly. Keep it on the DL!

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