Saturday, February 23, 2008

Church Membership Reported Down

Photo of Probable A.P. reporters on assignment (they are going to hell soon)

That’s the headline Gadabout read in this morning’s newspaper. It was an A.P. story based on 2008 data published by the National Council of Churches. After going up their website I couldn’t find the report, so I’ll base my facts and following statements on biased opinion and a quick look-see at Wikipedia.

First off, the A.P. story sucked. It grouped small declines in Episcopal and Presbyterian populations together as the feature, and then noted increases in other faiths – other faiths such as Catholicism. Catholics were grouped between Mormons and Southern Baptist Convention believers. Okay, just for the record a quarter of the population is Catholic. Catholics outnumber the second most popular religion by a 4:1 ratio. There are over 75 million Catholics in the United States, so it is not logical to boast a story line that Church membership is down when the predominate faith in the country is UP!

The story didn’t even touch on other minority gods that represent the Jewish, Muslim, or neo-pagans beliefs. The Catholic God (the Trinity) is not going to be happy with the Associated Press for misrepresenting his Flock; especially during Lent. Somebody is going straight to hell. No passing Go and receiving $200 on the way either. Nope – straight to fires for misrepresentation of the facts. And the facts are that Catholic membership is up, and the number 2 faith (Southern Baptist Convention) is up as well. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Remember, Jesus is looking down upon you with anger and smite. He is a forgiving God, but his patience has its limits. Best you look twice before crossing the street until you retract that mess you call news.

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