Canine Hostilities, Citizenship and Property Rights

Revenge at Hand

Early morning stroll
Sea air, quiet solitude
Canine attacks me

Gadabout is frustrated with dogs and dog owners. I was taking a morning stroll on the beach this morning, taking in the fresh salt air and admiring the silent power of the Chesapeake bay, when a couple approached walking a filthy mongrel. As we passed I offered a pleasant nod, and in return I was greeted by the untrained mutt leaping and slobbering on me. I was disgusted and pissed off. My meditation was disrupted, I had dog saliva on me and the happy little couple made a few remarks on how unusual the behavior was for “Sparky.” That was an outright lie. They cannot control their animal because they are too stupid and uninterested in taking time and dedicated efforts to train their smelly animal. A few minutes after this molestation, I stumbled across a rather large pile of dog excrement neatly displayed on a perfect sunning area. Thanks, dog owner! This uncontrolled canine activity has to stop, and it is going to stop with Gadabout!

I have a theory as to why there are so many unruly dogs and inattentive dog owners out there. It all begins in college, when young women coeds feel lonely around their junior year. So what do they do to feel comfort and security? They buy cute little puppies, that’s what they do. And after 6 months, those warm little companions turn into full grown crapping machines. These women get in the habit of leaving Sparky unattended all day long, and when they finally return home they simply open the back door and let them do their business in the back yard. On weekends they walk Sparky. Waling Sparky is cute, shows they are down to earth and caring. Most guys accept Sparky, the yard full of crap and the barking because they aren’t going to “get” anywhere if they don’t. The happy couple gets married, have children and the cycle continues. Guys, let’s break this cycle of abuse and denial.

Breaking the cycle begins with citizen rights. Last year Gadabout had two significant dog issues that directly affected his life and property. The first had to do with a psychotic husky cross breed that resided in the condo behind mine. This dog would charge the fence, barking and try to bite anyone walking by. At first I tried dog treats, but that didn’t work. Then I tried avoidance, but that failed too. Finally, I called animal control. When the dog catcher police chick showed up and I introduced her to the situation, she immediately agreed that it was out of hand and ticketed the owners. Initially I felt bad about turning in my unknown neighbors, but I quickly got over it since peace returned to MY home. The second issue was a Rogue Great Dane that would randomly gallop freely around the neighborhood and do its business at will. Nice! This required about 10 calls to animal control to get resolution. The horse no longer resides on my shady street.

In reflection, dog owners are a lot like Muslims; it is difficult to distinguish the god loving peaceful types from those that want to kill you. The point is that from a distance no one knows if your dog is hostile or peaceful, so unfortunately in name of safety we have to assume the worst. Sorry, but it is the truth.

I have cleaned up too many piles off my lawn, been kept awake too many nights listening to a barking mutt and jumped on too many times at the beach to give a pass to ANY dog owner. Owning and caring for an animal is a responsibility—not a right, that’s why animals have to be licensed! So listen up, dog owners, Gadabout and his army are on the watch and will remain vigilant to protect OUR rights as citizens. In my opinion, most of you are good keepers of your animals, but those of you who are abusers will face the consequences of your neglect. Fight's on!