Saturday, July 21, 2007

A Cougar Wearing Librarian Glasses

Photo of future Cougar in training
Cougars on the Hunt

Sipping fresh cocktails
Competing Cougars take aim
Upon young male prey

Gadabout and friends recently spent time together dining and drinking, and during the drinking stage of the evening our discussion wandered to women (no surprise here). Our not so sotto voce musings brought to light two very significant discoveries of the female species that arouse men (and I guess in some cases, other women) that are distinctively separate, yet connected in a jagged, somewhat erotic sort of way.

The first is the thrilling use of eye glasses by women, but not just any style of eyewear. No, it is the librarian style with the black frames that drives men loony. Those simple black spectacles have a hypnotic effect on men, and Gadabout is at a loss for an explanation. They’re sexy and alluring. A plausible explanation may be that they suggest a bridge between intellect and promiscuity, but for whatever reason the effects are immediate and stimulating. In "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” Ferrell’s character falls in love with a member of his PR team played by Amy Adams (as I recall, anyway). Yep, once she took off her wire rimmed lenses we were introduced to a knockout sweetheart. If they were Librarian glasses in the first place we would have demanded that she kept them on!

The second topic was devoted to Cougars. Cougars are older women who prey solely on younger men. A Cougar’s victim is usually no older than an eldest son, and they take great pride in their youth oriented hunting and stalking abilities. You see them out and about in great numbers. They are the forty and fifty set, divorced, wealthy (or nearly so), maintain a stunning appearance, drink expensive wine and booze and travel in packs of two or three. At times, they can be spotted solo, but usually this is only after others in the pack have separated themselves for the purpose of making a kill.

Okay, put your thinking caps on and envision a Cougar wearing librarian glasses. I just got a little dizzy, please excuse me while I get a drink of water...I’m back now! That was close—I almost fainted. This discovery is so very powerful, and I expect social change in the behaviors of Cougars worldwide. This is cutting edge stuff and you heard it first from Gadabout Jack! Buy stock immediately in any company that manufactures eyeglass frames for women. This is hot, hot, Cougar hot!

Note: I have set up a poll on the right side of this page. Take advantage of this rare opportunity to vote and share your views. Remember, you can check more than one box.


Anonymous said...

Hot, hot, hot! (I don't know why either.)

Anonymous said...

Delicious? No, I can't say that from a female point of view. I don't need glasses and I'm not a Cougar either, but getting up there in age. I suppose I equate what you wrote to accidentally getting a look down a plumbers backside. Gadabout Jack your female readers demand fair writing time from you. So maybe you need to ask your female readers what they like to see written about men.

You got my take on the backside of things, which frankly there's isn't anything stimulating intellectually about that! No just substitute male in place of female every were in the same piece you wrote and that spells "geek". After all girls with glasses just want to have fun, but boys with them geek's. Sorry Charlie. I guess it's true "bad boys" don't want nice girls or women, just "sex kittens."

Boy from citizenship to this topic? What about those of us that aren't wearing those glasses by the way and I hate to say I told you so about the road rage stuff Gadabout Jack. Did you miss that headline? Sorry I had to get a glass of water too.

I like beer too not wine, what does that mean? I can quote some pretty good books I've read, but my Mom was a Librarian. Should I be worried about what she may have been doing? No, she was just a book worm and that's okay. And she didn't wear glasses either. Poor us... all the ones left behind without them.

Maybe I'll buy a fake pair though just to test it out. I find it highly unlikely it will get this UVA grad anywhere fast.

Liv Olsen

Gadabout Jack said...

Great response! I like your last paragraph, and I think trying out a pair of nonrefractive lenses would be a great idea.

From a guy's perspective, it seems that too many women go for the "bad boys" and end up in an endless circle of misery in relationships. This is a well documented fact that most men will attest to. And furthermore, women tend to lean towards men with flat bellies, fat paychecks, boats and a work schedule that keeps them out of their hair. $$$$$$$$.

Keep reading, Liv, I appreciate your support.