Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Lauren McKie's Short and Wonderful Office Christmas Party

Lauren hated Christmas, but it wasn’t always this way for her. She loved Christmas as a child. She loved the hopes of Santa’s coming. She loved opening her gifts beneath the tree filled with ornaments. She loved it all. Now she hated it, like she hated most holidays these days. She hated much, including Brian, her ex-husband, who she caught in “the act” the day after Christmas five years ago. She caught them in her bed, and she remembers vividly the flailing of sheets, the deer in the headlights stare and humility of it all. “You fucker,” she said aloud at her desk, startling herself. No one heard, though, the office was empty. The office was empty because they were all at the office Christmas party at Marty’s Steakhouse, off 23rd and Colley. “You fucker,” she screamed. It felt good to scream.

Lauren looked at her watch. It was 6:55 PM and cocktail hour was officially starting in five minutes. She could drive there in less than twenty minutes and make a showing. She really wasn’t the bitch her coworkers believed and avoided every day. She would make it there and have a drink, maybe two, eat supper and leave early. A hit and run, Brian would say. Yes, she would make a hit and run, and show them that she, Lauren McKie, did indeed not have a stick shoved up her ass.

Lauren took a deep breath as she opened the door to Marty’s. As she stepped inside she immediately found herself surrounded by most of the staff with their spouses and friends. She was alone, of course, and she forced a smile at Matt from accounting who approached her before she could take her coat off.

“Lauren,” he said and smiled. “It’s wonderful to see you.”

“Thanks, Matt, you too.”

“How about a drink? Maybe a martini?”

“Sure, I’d like that, but not too big,” Lauren said and smiled.

Matt always thought Lauren was attractive, but she never seemed to warm up to him. He had always wanted to get into her pants, and maybe a few cocktails might loosen her up. Maybe. He admired her long slender legs and green eyes. Her tits were small, but perky. They would do. “Damn, she's attractive,” he whispered under his breath as he made his way to the bar.

“A double Absolute, dry with olive,” Matt told the bartender.

Lauren enjoyed the second martini as much as the first. It was dry and smooth and warmed her. She liked Matt’s company as well and wondered why they hadn’t met earlier. He was nice and sort of cute too, she thought.

Dinner time neared but the crowd's interest was still with drinking. Lauren had talked with Steve and his wife, Kim. Sako from marketing and his girlfriend, Emily, were engaging and interesting. Emily was chubby and Sako skinny, but they were cute nonetheless. Lauren was happy for the first time in a long time. Lauren accepted a third martini from Matt. Lauren was now officially drunk, and a drunk Lauren was a mean Lauren, or so Brian always told her.

Then Wesley joined the group. Wesley Stockton Harrison and his model perfect 5’-9” wife, Marie. Wesley had a prominent nose, wire rimmed glasses and closely trimmed salt and pepper hair. His hairline did not recede. Wesley Harrison was perfect. So very perfect, Lauren mused, the executive VP of finance, the Princeton Man, the man who was screwing the help. The help was there, of course. Tina was the help, and most everyone had some idea that something was amiss between the two. Tina was standing in the opposite corner of the bar under an ancient pendulum clock keeping a distant, but not subtle watch over matters. Tina was a bitch. Tina would have fucked Brian if she had known him. Lauren was driving over the line from being happy to being mean. Tina was a bitch, and Marie most likely had no clue that her darling and caring husband from a prominent family was screwing the help.

“So, Wesley,” Lauren said. She looked into his eyes.

Marie noticed the stare as being curious.

Wesley, somewhat confused replied, “What is that, Lauren?”

“So are you still screwing Tina, or have you found a new bimbo to fuck?”

“What the fuck?” Wesley retorted.

Marie stood in shock. Fat Emily dropped her drink. Skinny Sako kept his mouth shut and moved back half a step. Steve and Kim would not hear what was said next because both of them detested conflict. They walked away towards the bar. Tina sensed something wrong had just happened and moved closer. The clock above Tina stopped ticking for five seconds. The room turned cold.

Matt looked at Lauren and said, “Lauren?”

Wesley kept his dignity and asked patiently once again, “What the fuck are you implying, Ms McKie?”

Lauren swung to her left to face Mrs. Wesley Stockton Harrison, spilling half of her martini doing so.

“Marie, did you know that your husband has been romping about with Tina from sales? She is very cute. Have you met her?”

Lauren smiled. Marie started to cry.

Lauren showed the office, at the office Christmas party, that she was not a prude. Far from a prude, indeed. She was a self righteous, indignant and drunken pain in the ass -- but not a prude. Lauren discovered that an office party is akin to being at the office, and the office pays the bills at Christmas. Lauren learned that lesson at precisely 7:59 PM on December 10, 2008, at Marty’s Steakhouse, off the corner of 23rd and Colley. Lauren was asked to leave Harrison Investments, LLC, the following day. She was not there to receive notice in person.

Wesley was forgiven, as wealthy men often are. He still fucks Tina, but swears a renewed and everlasting fidelity to Marie.

Matt finally got laid.


Anonymous said...

If her tits were larger, could she get away with diming the boss? Would everything be different with a silicon augmentation? Would a nifty bounce in her step put her in Tina's enviable position?

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of another Christmas Party. Are you sure the characters in your story are ficticious?

Anonymous said...

Well, I'd personally like to thank Gadabout for the "feel good story of the season!

Gadabout Jack said...

You are quite welcome...it is a feel good type of story!

Anonymous said...

Lauren is five years past due for some therapy.