Saturday, January 19, 2008

Declaring Victory

Gadabout is certain that the war in Iraq is a done deal. Chalk up another win for the USA, so break out the champagne and run around naked in the streets in Druid-like celebrations. Well, the skinny people should run around naked and drunk. Well, naked women should, not guys. Nobody wants to see a bunch of swinging “packages” so we’ll stick with naked skinny women celebrating in the streets. Let's party!

The Primaries are in full swing and none of the candidates or talking heads are talking war. We have this fantastic holy war going on where the good guys, the guys backed by God, are kicking ass and taking names. Names like Amir and Sadam. Not names like John, Luke or Matthew. The good guys and gals of America go in with guns-a-blazing and claim a premature win in the second quarter. Then the tide turns, we start getting beat up and have to retreat. After taking it in the shorts for a couple of months the democrats and atheists start booing their home team and leave the stadium in droves like Detroit Lions fans. I’ve seen it all on TV, and the TV is true and you can’t prove otherwise. God doesn’t like quitters; that is why Michigan has the highest unemployment rate in the country. He punishes any State where fair-weather fans leave the big game early. Pay attention San Diego.

Then the “Surge.” The very sound of the word “surge” engenders success, and what a success it has become. So much so that it won the war. Let me ask you this, if we haven’t won the war, why don’t we hear about losing the war any longer? I’m waiting for an answer. I’ll tell you why. It’s because it’s no longer a war, it is an occupation -- that’s why. And those who stuck it out and stayed through the entire game and supported the team will be rewarded by the grace of God. Unfortunately, Hillary voted for the war and treaded very lightly during the quitting phase. She may have been stuffing her face with hotdogs and nachos in the concession area, but she didn’t leave the stadium. God likes Hillary, Allah likes Edwards, and Obama is a war atheist which means he doesn’t have any God on his side.

The Surge has worked, we won the war and it’s high time the candidates start using this victory as a plank. I don’t want to hear about leadership, sub-prime, healthcare or budgets. I want to hear about victory celebrations. I want to drink beer in the streets with naked skinny chicks. Gadabout stayed for the entire game.

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