Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year’s Resolution for Other People -- Shower

Gadabout doesn’t like the odor of un-bathed people. You might say, “Gadabout, nobody likes the odor of un-bathed people – you are nuts.” Not so, Grasshopper. All you need to do is hop in a taxi cab in NYC and you’ll discover the driver quite content in his unwashed attire and unshaven face. Americans, for the most part, don’t smell bad. Canadians don’t either, but that is because they are pretty much American except for speed limits and funny looking money. Besides that, they are very similar to us.

America and Canada are “New World” countries and because so they were required to build new everything. We had to start off from scratch with roads, monetary systems and water supplies. The “Old World” has systems that are thousands of years old, so it understandable that their customs of not bathing and washing their clothes is outdated as well. Chicks in the New World shave their arm pits, and dudes in the New World shower after working out. Nearly every home in the New World has a washer and dryer, and even those in poverty have running water and showers in their homes. Poor people in the New World are very clean and tidy compared to the world mean.

I guess Old Worlder’s just get in the habit of smelling and don’t notice it much. Sort of like how your bedroom can get messy and you don’t realize it until there is a chance that you might get lucky and have a visitor over. Make sense to you? I don’t know what to do about all of this except maybe to run public service announcements abroad concerning hygiene and America’s expectations. We could run those same ads here just to reinforce our unwavering standards on this important subject. And of course it is your obligation as a citizen of the New World to inform Old Worlders that they smell if you encounter one. Just do it. Tell the taxi cab driver that he smells like crap and he should wash his clothes and shower immediately.

For the guys out there who might be traveling to the Old World, don’t fret. Remember, if you are in France and find a hot woman don’t let all that hair freak you out. No, it is okay because you are just a hot shower and shave away from a really good time.

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