Well, you never know!

An Exclusive Interview With The Sarah Palins

Gadabout Interviews Sarah Palin’s Id, Ego and Superego:

Gadabout: So, Governor, the election is over and the ballots counted. You lost. How do you feel about that?

Sarah’s Id: First off, screw you, Gadabout. I feel like crap and all I can think about is beer, whiskey, sex, and moose hunting. I like the taste of blood and there will be plenty of blood in 2112. Note that, you little prick!

Sarah’s Ego: Well, let’s take another view of that. What Id was trying to say is that we, the conservatives in the country, will continue to fight the good fight. Take oil production in Alaska, for instance. Oil production and wildlife coexist in harmony here. Both interests are served equally, and this relationship can and should be used on a national level. We’ll push these legislative ideas forward in the future.

Sarah’s Superego: It is okay that we lost because I come from a good family where the lessons of right and wrong were strongly influenced by my parents. Let’s believe in the president-elect and support the winner of the contest.

Sarah’s Id: Pack sand you Superego bitch. I’m packing heat, and preparing for the fucking kill you little prissy….

Gadabout: Okay, let’s try and keep a little order here. You are all equals in the eyes…

Sarah’s Id: Up yours!

Sarah’s Ego: Hey, Id, like Gadabout said, let’s keep it under check!

Gadabout: Let’s start over. Governor, what are your short and intermediate personal goals in the years ahead?

Sarah’s Ego: Well, you know, my resume was a bit of a nagging anchor during the campaign, so I have decided to finish law school. The University of Alaska has an excellent program and I think I can dovetail both the executive office duties and school concurrently.

Sarah’s Id: What Ego really meant was that during the “inquisition” I was prosecuted by a bunch of self-centered, liberal Kool-aid drinking journalistic ass clown pricks. Yeah, I’ll finish law school and shove that diploma up Katie’s flat ass. That bitch will pay! …Take Caroline Kennedy, for instance. What kind of a resume does that skinny, bulimic, elitist, thumb sucking whore have? I’m waiting! Lock and Load!

Gadabout: Moving along, how about global warming?

Sarah’s Superego: All points of view should be given equal weight, and we should refrain from making harsh judgments. Critical, yes. Criticize, no.

Sarah’s Ego: Let’s take a look at the facts, and the preponderance of the literature supports that warming does exist, but that the causes are natural, not man made. A recent RAND study, published this past November, supports this claim. Solar activity, volcanoes, and dust storms are the likely causes of climate change. These changes are temporary…

Sarah’s Id: I cannot fucking stand listening to this crap. Have you looked out the window or turned on the news lately? The entire country is covered in fricking ice. Louisiana got hammered with eight inches of snow. Solar activity, my ass! And look, I’ve got a great ass!

Gadabout: Let’s talk international policy.

Sarah’s Id: I’m out of here. Like I said earlier, “Pack Sand.”

Sarah’s: Ego: Thank you for your time, Gadabout. Let’s talk again soon.

Sarah’s Superego: Please accept our sincerest apologies for any…

Sarah’s Id: I said we’re out of here, bitch!

Blagojevich Goes to Confession

Governor Rod Blagojevich recently sought counsel with God to seek atonement for his actions related to corruption in filling the vacant Senate Seat left behind by President Elect Obama. Since the FBI had him and his surrounding environs wired, this conversation between the governor and his parish priest, Father Timothy, was recorded and transcribed verbatim. Gadabout, through his secret sources, secured the following official copy of this confidential document and willing shares it with his readers.

Not Releasable to the Public – For Official Use Only

Exhibit 78, Blagojevich, Governor, Illinois, Springfield, 9 Dec 08:

Blagojevich: Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been 34 years since my last confession.

Father Timothy: 34 years? What’s up with that?

Blagojevich: I’ve been busy, Father, very busy. I’m the Governor of this great state of Illinois, and it takes a real toll. How about cutting me some fucking slack, jerk-off!

Father Timothy: Son, there is no need for hostilities here in the house of…

Blagojevich: [interrupting] Can the peace and love crap, and let’s get down with some serious confessional shit. Like I said, I’m a busy man and have business to attend to. So keep the house of the Lord crap for the republican morons and the rest of your pathetic flock.

Father Timothy: [15 second pause] Fine. Okay, my son. Spill your guts.

Blagojevich: Well, I’ve been trying to make an honest buck – honestly – picking someone to fill that Obama mother-fucker’s vacant seat in the senate. I’ve lined up five choices and all of them can make me some serious cash, but my staff thinks I might be crossing some sort of moral line. I don’t think I have, but if I had, and I’m not implying that I have – knowingly or wittingly – and in no willing violation of state or federal statutes. All I’m talking about here is a kick ass, do nothing job for my wife, and an appointment for me: public or private. It’s all about retirement, Tim.

Father Timothy: Well, how do you FEEL about it?

Blagojevich: How do I feel about it? I’ll tell you how I fucking FEEL about it. I want YOU to bless me, and take away any fucking sins so that I can go out there and lead Illinois to greatness. I’m a leader, Tim, and leaders have to make tough decisions. So bless my ass, Tim, before I cap your ass!

Father Timothy: [silence]

Blagojevich: Knock, knock.

Father Timothy: Who’s there?

Blagojevich: Smith and Wesson 9mm, 10 round clip, and hollow point -- that's who.

Father Timothy: Bless you. Five Hail Mary’s and Five Our Father’s.

Blagojevich: Thought that might expedite matters. Later, dude.

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