Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Dolphins, Ponies and Shoes – Lesson 6, Marriage

Gadabout believes that most men are not ready for marriage until they are at least in their thirties. Sure, you get past a few rough years having to glean autumn fields for nourishment and you are hungry by 23. College is in the past and adulthood is reflected in the mirror. You have a job now and feel the need to settle down, especially after being mauled by hungry cougars. Some of your buddies are married now and you have lost touch with them because they do married things; like have couples over for dinner and landscape yards. Dinners and landscaping represent stability just like Dad's lawn mower and woodshop. Maybe, you think, it's time for a family. Isn't that sweet? Guess what? Your only reward will be a quarter of the closet littered with women's shoes.

Wake up and smell the gun powder my fine friend. In fifteen years from today half of those cozy couples will be divorced and your pal will be nothing more than a tattered mess of a middle aged man. He will be paying child support to kids who hate his inner core of being because of the propaganda machine his ex keeps operating on overtime. He is living in a lousy two bedroom apartment furnished with discarded furniture and is driving a busted up Chevy. He smiles because he finally has freedom, but it fades quickly when he spots his ex cocktailing and hitting on 21 year old surfer dudes. His blood pressure is creeping up and he can’t fit into his blue jeans. His girlfriend is cute, but dumb as a rock and says, “Absolutely,” in response to every point he makes in conversation.

My advice to all young men is to take a deep breath before asking Ms Almost Perfect to stand on the alter together and commit to a binding contract of law. Time is on your side. The next time she asks a stupid question like, “Do I look fat in this dress,” say, “Yes.” Turn the TV on and wait for the riposte.


All marriages end in either death or divorce, so why rush into anything that always has an unhappy ending. Time is on your side.

No comments: