Sunday, January 6, 2008

Dolphins, Ponies and Shoes – Lesson 5, Cougars

Supply and Demand

Out of the jungle
Races a sleek, trim Cougar
Her prey surrenders

A first encounter with a Cougar will throw a young man off balance. It will rock his world. It will forever alter his perception of social norms and boundaries. Cougars are fierce creatures created out of the collapse of an idealist belief and value system. A system destroyed by divorce, and replaced with a renewed vigor towards sexuality in an attempt to make up for lost time. Cougars feed upon young men, and these willing targets are ripe for the taking. But why?

Cougars and their partners vary greatly in age. For simplicity, we’ll examine the college student male and the thirty-something female. The male is, let’s say 21, and has been repeatedly denied the affection of females his own age. He has spent too many Sunday mornings waking up hung-over with an empty wallet. Women his own age tease him and tempt him. They accept free dinners and drinks, and then skedaddle. Frustration builds in the young man and he begins to lose hope and faith. He loses hope and faith until he meets the Cougar.

The Cougar is fairly attractive, mature and has been around the block. She has two children in grade school or middle school, an ex-husband who split with the trailer park chick he met at a bar, and hasn’t enjoyed the touch of a man for years. She is lonely. She is starting to work out again. She envisions a “self” reflective of her college years when she once enjoyed free drinks and could skedaddle. She demands a return to youth, and no one is going to stop her.

A Cougar and her young man is a perfect pair. He is distraught over neglect from his contemporaries, and so is she. Who is she going to date? Men her age are either married, freshly divorced and looking for younger females or are living in his parent’s basement playing video games. She is too proud to date older men because that would be a step backwards. Older men have bellies and snore. A middle ground is discovered that is beneficial to both parties.

This is a period of social change and confusion for women in their mid twenties. As young men meet older Cougars, fewer men are available for dating, free dinners and drinks. “Where are all the good men?” they ask one another. This confusion leads to women making blind grabs at any available men their own age for marriage. It’s sort of like a banking panic where depositors claw on closing doors. The cycle begins.


Cougars are cunning creatures and will stop at nothing to seek attention and affection. They target much younger men because they are willing and feel neglected. Cougars disrupt the supply and demand of available males, resulting in confusion and social change.

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