Saturday, January 12, 2008

Dolphins, Ponies and Shoes -- Lesson 8, Paying the Tab

One aspect of courtship is dinning and movie going. Until about 1980 it was expected that the male flip for the entire bill. There were very few exceptions to this rule. The guy paid for everything, drove and opened all doors. The scenario ran like a champ because women made less money than men, they expected to be treated like ladies and guys have superior driving skills. Today the world is turned upside down regarding equality, but surprisingly men still pay the lion’s share of dating. This has to change, and it is up to all men to level the playing field.

One way to level the playing field is to keep women down professionally, but that tactic has been successfully challenged in the courts of law and has failed. Women are allowed, legally, to displace men in the workforce. They are pilots, doctors, lawyers and even firefighters. Okay, honey, you took the job so how about tossing cash at that $100 bar tab? How about you pay it without making a weak silly gesture for the bill as the “chick” waitress places the bill in front of the dude? Why not offer to pick up the dude when plans are made? The reason you don’t is because you are a “princess” and princesses don’t involve themselves with trite matters of transportation and finance.

Now to be fair to the fairer sex, it should be noted that more and more woman are waking up and smelling the greenback. Being flush with cash, this select sect will pay for a dinner and even offer to drive. These chicks are cool and should be respected even though they displaced a male from making it big by taking his medical school slot. We call this progress, so I’ll play along.

There is a lesson here. That lesson is to utilize a tactic of paying for everything to observe the female’s responses over time. This analysis should take in factors such as ability to pay, income, family situation, attractiveness and personality. If the female is average across the board, but is flush with cash she sure as hell better offer to pay very early on in the relationship. If, on the other hand, she is a solid “9” and is struggling to finish graduate school in literature, then we might have to cut her some slack. Remember, they receive diamonds and we get the all-in-one screwdriver. Maybe paying for dinner and drinks is a small price for her to pay for a lifetime opportunity to take a male to the cleaners for life.


Women demanded a level playing field and they were rewarded for their efforts. Use equality to determine the coolness of a chick by tracking how often she offers to drive or pay the tab. This is a legal form of discrimination, and men need all the tools available to make sound judgments in his eternal pursuit of happiness.


Anonymous said...

You say this, but in actuality, you men, will never make a committment to a girl that doesn't think enough of herself to let what should be the gentlemen pay. If we are to change this dynamic, why don't we now let the men give birth to the babies. There is something to be said for laws of order.

Gadabout Jack said...

I have no idea of the point you are tryiing to make?